Walking Away from the Faith

I've tried it both ways: being fully committed to the faith (sometimes even lukewarm) or walking away. And in my experience, one feels a whole lot better than the other.

I'm sharing this story of how I was a non believer (in retrospect I think it was rebellion)for about a year. Hopefully, someone is inspired or at the very least, relates.  

Don't mind my name, I was born and raised a Christian. Born in the church (not literally of cos), attended Sunday school, was a member of as many units/societies as my school life could permit. 

I became a Sunday school teacher, loved the kids, enjoyed the ministry and BOOM 💣 chaos. I had a misunderstanding with one of the young teachers and I found out that the teachers had been gossiping, harboring hate, playing a little politics, being judgmental and I lost it. How would God's workers live like this? No less in the church. Why the hypocrisy? I got so angry and disappointed and left the church that morning, never to return (I only lasted a year). No services, no visits, no prayers of any sort, no fellowship.  The church appointed people to come speak to me, my parents kept preaching and nudging but I wasn't having none of it until one day I decided to go back. 

My decision to return to faith had nothing to do with the nagging and admonishing. I had lived life both ways: with and without God and I knew one was better (for me). There was an inexplicable emptiness I felt in my "sabbatical" period. A void that nothing could fill.  

I soon realized that I was focused so much on the people (yes, the people are the church butttt.......) rather than on my walk with God. I created an image in my head of what a christian should be like and once that didn't happen, I felt let down and cut myself off. I have since learned that even though we're all part of the body, my major concern should be God and my relationship with him. Humans are humans and can only strive towards perfection.

So while I most definitely will speak against any ill I see in the body of Christ, I'm not leaving it again. My focus is on God and not people and I like my life better with God in it. I'm back on track now and I'm enjoying my journey. It's not completely smooth but I don't have unrealistic expectations of myself or anyone else, so I'm good. I've departed from religion to spirituality and I'm at a very very good place. 

Have you ever left the faith? Are you thinking of leaving? Please share your experience.