Scars Uncovered : Chiamaka Obuekwe

So at age 10, in primary 5 my ballet teacher passed me on to be the beauty queen to represent our school (I was the better contender) in a regional ballet dancers’ beauty contest and picked another girl who was stick thin and this happened 17 years ago but, guess what I can never forget and that was my journey into the depressing world of Weight that blindsides us from every other thing we are super great at.

See, I was super active as a child; I mean you couldn’t even dare win me in a dancing competition back then, I was a makosa champ and a break dancer and I attended a lot of parties growing up and St Gloria’s school Ikeja, my primary school was a turn up school so I got my dose of parties. I ran track, did high jump, long jump, played basketball and other sports and you couldn’t dust me on the track, I was super good. Inter house sports competition made me so happy. I played the violin, flute, I was in drama club and I was in Channels TV children’s club back then (yes I used to appear on TV as a kid lol). So, I was active and healthy and happy.

Anyway, that’s how I went to Faith Academy (boarding house secondary school) far away from my loving parents and I mean there were all these beautiful, like divinely beautiful girls from all over the country and of course slim girls and yet again I was the “big girl”. Statements like she has flesh, she’s chubby, she’s big boned and she still has baby weight were used to describe me.

Uni was not so different but by then I had become confident; I started reading books about self esteem and confidence (I love books). God bless Joy Rotimi for giving me one life changing book back then (I’m sure she can’t remember). It was a self esteem handbook for teenagers. It was like my bible. But of course that didn’t stop people from making comments about my weight and my tummy etc.

Then came relationships and that one is a story for another day. But basically I always wanted to loose weight so the men in my life would love me better and give me more attention. Biggest mistake ever.

Then of course there were the innocent and loving (in quote) uncles, aunties, family friends and yes even my mum and dad who out of love and care advised me to watch it and eat less and slim down maybe so I’ll be accepted more. One uncle even said Chiamaka maybe you should fast o. I started asking myself that isn’t fasting supposed to be in reverence to God again? 

I am going to be 27 this year but I’ve been told severally that I look 30 something or even 40 because I’m big and that’s okay you know; it’s not their age after all. 

On my traditional wedding day, one of my Uncles kept saying “see how fat you’ve become, hmm watch it o and I was dancing and happy and didn’t really want to hear that, on that day of all days.

Another friend one time saw me in Shoprite, after we hadn’t seen in ages and the first thing she said was Chiamaka see your stomach, ahh what does your boyfriend think (actually why should I be bothered about what he thinks).

Dear girl, stop for a moment, touch your stomach and rub it so lovingly and say ‘I am beautiful’.

Wait, what is wrong with being fat sef? Shouldn’t it be more important to be healthy and active?

And I know some of you will come and be trying to console me, saying but Chiamaka who is that person that said you’re fat let me go and slap them. Abeg chill, ko matter. I AM FAT AND PROUD. Who made Fat a negative word anyway, what if Slim was the negative word.

The most depressing place for a plus sized girl is the fitting room in stores, as we try on different sizes of one particular dress and yet none fits us or the boutiques and the sales girl would be lowkey laughing at us and those stores would not be kind enough to tell us that their sizes run small. God bless them o.

My best friend introduced to me Chanel Ambrose’s IG page at one of my lowest points last year to show me a much bigger plus lady who was living it up, I mean living it up and I saw her page but still couldn’t shake it off.

I’ll be like Social Prefect tours is so amazing, but yet you’re fat so…

Dear girl, wipe your tears biko. No more will they oppress and suppress us and tell us what we can and can’t do or wear and can’t wear because of our weight.

I know a lot of you thought I was pregnant last year, trust me I wasn’t even preg talkless of pregnant and I just couldn’t keep arguing with everyone so I just kept laughing.

Your UK certified weight loss coach would want you to patronize them, slimming tea companies and all as well. So they will play on our insecurities and emotions. Sis, I just unfollowed them all. My eyes is paining me from seeing too much before and after pictures lol.

Not anymore because many of those weight loss schemes are unrealistic to be honest.

See I am a strong believer in being healthy. I am super active; I dance, I walk, we organize hiking tours and climb hills on some tours, so you can imagine.

I emotionally binged on sugar — chocolates and biscuits last year like a mad person because I just about gave up, so I went up 3 dress sizes and everytime I would size something in my wardrobe that fit me 3 months before and had now become tight, girl my heart would break, I would get frustrated and at a point I hated going out. A whole me Waka jugbe like me. You know what? We no longer care

See from now on it’s #MyweightmyBusiness 

I am a size 16/18 and brands like @mabelloclothier and @desire1709 have made me regain my confidence by giving me cloths that fit me in my right size 16 not 20 like some brands whose sizes run small (no shade to anyone) but actually dear female clothing brands you will greatly help a plus size lady by telling her the truth that your sizes run small.

Make me your online best friend this year and you would not have to cry anymore because of your weight. We are much more than our weight. We are so freaking awesome. Our bodies are vessels unto honour to fulfill God’s purpose on this beautiful earth. It is a gift to be alive my love.

Enough Said. I love you and God loves and adores you even more; I mean He created you. You are beautiful and you are enough. No more comparison. Unfollow everyone on social media who makes you feel insecure consciously or unconsciously.

Chiamaka Obuekwe